Are we truly happy?

"Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking."

- Marcus Aurelius Antoninus

If I were to tell you that achieving happiness is a myth, would you believe me?

Do you feel like there are moments when you are happy and moments when you are not?

Why is it like that? Is it because our lives are not how we feel they should be?

It kinda sucks that we feel happiness can come and go based on how our day goes, who we're with, what happens or what we do.

I've come to realise, it doesn't have to be that way. If happiness is something we achieve —relationships, money, job, house, vacations, weight loss — it is not lasting.

These things on their own don't give us happiness that it lasting. It makes happiness seem like this thing we're chasing but it's elusive and we're in a constant quest to reach a destination of happiness.

For this, we must first take a look at where we are searching or happiness.

If we think we'll be happy as soon as things in our life become the way we imagine it should, it's a trap. You could get that job, raise, relationship, PS5, lose weight. But making that happen just to fill ourselves up, complete ourselves or even get a sense of validation from within or from others, it's not sustainable. If in that moment it brings us happiness, it's possible down the road that we find that these outward things don't bring us happiness after all.

Let's then take a look at where happiness comes from. Everything we have discussed up till now, are outside events. They are correlated to happiness but they are not the happiness. They happen and we are happy, its not so much of a cause-effect relationship.

Let's take for example, satisfying a food craving.

What happens between satisfying the food craving and our happiness.

1. We eat the food we have been craving (or read a good book, have a good coffee, get into a relationship, etc.)

2. We notice the food, pay attention to it. If we don’t pay attention, and are watching a show on the Netflix as we eat the food, we don’t get that same happiness from the food.

3. We appreciate the goodness in the food that we noticed. It’s not just the noticing and paying attention — we have to accept it for what it is, and appreciate the good things about it. (The same goes for everything in life, friends, family, situations etc.)

4. When we notice this goodness it causes us to be happy about life. It makes us happy about the goodness in existence, because that is what we are experiencing — even if it’s just the goodness of a satisfying meal.

So it is in simply noticing and appreciating the goodness of a meal that can cause us to be happy about living. The same way, the more goodness we notice about life and ourselves and appreciate it, the happier we are about life.

This doesn't mean that happiness comes from the outside, like a meal, or coffee, or getting a job. It's about the process that happens within. The magic happens when we realise that this process can happen regardless of what's going on outside of us.

The only thing we need to be truly happy is within us. They are always within, even as you read this, it's already there. So this happiness process: noticing, appreciating and being happy about living can be applied to the us within regardless of what's going on outside.

It is a journey of self-love, noticing and appreciating the good things and the not-so-perfect things within ourselves as well.

What are some things we can appreciate about ourselves?

• Are you kind?

• Are you considerate?

• Are you good at a certain skill?

• Are you creative?

• Are you compassionate?

• Do you have empathy?

• Do you appreciate the beauty of nature and others?

And many more inner qualities that we may have can make us happy about ourselves.

Once we do this, we can start to notice and appreciate everything and everyone else around us. There is good to be noticed in everything that can make us happy to be alive.

As we live a very busy life and our minds are filled with everything from regrets about the past, worries about the future, we often fail to the see good in people and things due to the lack of close attention. If we feel someone was arrogant and rude towards us, we may have missed the close attention to details. Were they also skilled in something or have a good sense of humour? Were they suffering from something internally, do they just need someone to show them some love or compassion? If we look closely and see what we can find, it can change our perspective.

Once we can start to notice and appreciate the good, we can then start to notice and appreciate the not-so-perfect things. When we look at others or ourselves and notice flaws, it is common tendency to associate it as something bad. Could it be just human? That would make these flaws in us and others a celebration of us as humans.

By Epicurean principles; "One should live for daily pleasures and aim to love as long as possible, to enjoy as much as possible not because they are going to die one day but because they want to have as many pleasurable moments as possible, and that is happiness"

- Malav Desai

Once we do this, we can find goodness in everything, big or small, around us, and within us. With that, then we realise that life is a true joy, in every moment, if we simply notice and appreciate it.